After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
