did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
