She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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