So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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