sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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