Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
