I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Houston, we have a squirter
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
