if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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