dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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