Your mouth is God's brothel.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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