I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
