every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
