Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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