my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
