I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Who died my cat blue again?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
