I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
