we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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