apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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