ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize