Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
