remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
