Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
