I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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