Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
