As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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