Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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