The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
