She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
