Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize