You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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