when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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