that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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