Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
