it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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