Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
