Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
