He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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