Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
