dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
