He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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