so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
