Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
