so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
