When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
