he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize