It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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