She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
