Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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