Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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