At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
