I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
