In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
