i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
