I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
