dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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