mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
When are your genitals available?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
