why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
