I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
