Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm sobbing to NWA
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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