john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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