dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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