I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
