Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
