i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
