A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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