Will you blow on my dice?
I hate all girls vehemently.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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