I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
