It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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