I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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